Beyond enough, because you’re not too much!(pt2)
The art of being enough.
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At some point we just want to be enough in all aspect of our lives. We want to be enough with ourselves. We often compare ourselves to others. How better she is than you. We often conclude that we’ll never be what they are.
I’ve always felt the same way for as long as I can remember. I’ve always wanted to be enough for my sister, for my dad, for my best friend and most especially for myself. I’ve hated my reflection, I’ve stared at another girls body longer than I should have. I’ve cried because I felt their silence meant they didn’t love me.
The thing is we end up feeling like we aren’t meeting up to expectations. We never give ourselves credits or self-appreciation instead we end up striving for flawlessness in work spaces, in our relationships and sometimes our appearances. Somehow when that boy tells you you’re beautiful, you agree inwardly that you really are. That’s when you realize that “oh wow, I am really pretty”, but only because he said it.
And I’ve realized it’s a deep-seated desire in mostly women, correct me if you think I’m wrong though. I’ve always wanted to feel respected, to be shown up for. Often times I’ve ended up even caring too much about the approval of those i care about, even those i don’t, all because i don’t want to be rejected.
This feeling of not being enough always has some back story to it. Often times it’s our cultural unrealistic standards imposed by the society. On the other hand it’s trauma, stories of what we’ve gone through, hoping we survive everything we don’t ask for or talk about. We get critiqued for wanting certain things, for acting in a certain manner.
It doesn’t stop there, some of us lack self-love, we tell ourselves we aren’t worth it. “Who will even look at me”. “I hate that I look like this”. We judge ourselves too harshly and even end up belittling ourselves. I’ve always questioned my ability, I get scared of trying new things because I don’t want to end up looking stupid. When I make mistakes, I hate myself for making them. “I’m perfect”, “how can I make such a mistake”. Some of us tell ourselves hurtful words because we’ve made unachievable expectations that leads to disappointments.
It’s sad how we carry this heaviness into our relationships, and when we don’t feel enough we make the people we love feel like they are loving us wrongly. We project our insecurities and feelings of inadequacy on them, we even question their loyalty. We become too delulu and start expecting so much from them and when they don’t? It means they don’t love us. we’ve even given our friends too much power to validate our worth, we expect our loved ones to fill whatever depth of nothingness within ourselves.
And I know it’s not intentional when we do this. I’ve hurt a lot of people because of it still. I’ve pushed people I care about because I don’t have enough love for myself, because I don’t want to drop my insecurities on them. I don’t want them to see what I’m seeing. I don’t want them to see the scars I see in the mirror, so I end up isolating myself. I end punishing myself too hard.
Only if we can treat ourselves with kindness. Those people are only better because we keep limiting ourselves, we keep hovering under their shadow. We just need to extend some level of grace to ourselves because at the end of the day we all we’ve got. Ourselves. Myself. yourself.
Your body is beautiful. Your heart more beautiful, and your soul extremely radiant. We always want words of affirmations but we hardly ever say any to ourselves. No one is perfect and you’ll always make mistakes and that’s okay. It’s okay to also be selfish a little when prioritizing your needs and desires, you’re not doing too much for wanting them. If you don’t do it, you’d hate yourself more when you see someone else doing it.
I think we are all meant to be gentle with ourselves as we would with any of our close friends, lovers or family members. No matter how small it is, even if it’s that parfait you’ve been craving for over a week now, get it because you deserve it. It’s not what you hoped and you didn’t get the promotion you’ve been praying for, why not practice gratitude. Focus on the good things that are working in your life, for the things you do have. Celebrate the small wins no matter how small.
You’re more than enough, even more than you think. You don’t just realize it yet. I just don’t realize it yet either, but I’m this close to seeing it and I’ll embrace that “me” without holding back.
I am beautiful because I know I am. I love how pretty I look when I smile, I love how cute I look with my dimples. I love my skin, my eyes, my lips and my nose. And no matter how much I look like someone, they’ll never look like me because I am “me”. I love my confidence. I love how smart i am. I love how “much” i am.
Be a little much, because you’re enough.
That’ll be all for now…
Muah💋
Gosh🤧
Thank you for this 🤍
Thank you soooo much🥺