Epignosis

Seek him to know him.

“If you look for me wholeheartedly, you’ll find me”Jeremiah 29:13

They all had something that drove their desires. They knew what they wanted in life, like they had it all figured it out. And for a moment I believed I did too.

Until I started to question the reason for my existence.

We didn’t open our doors but he found a way. He was an unannounced guest that had no identity in my family.

He’s been here before time began and has existed through eternity with my name on the tip of his tongue.

Dad never really talked about him until I turned seventeen, but what he did do was ask me to always pray, to always pray to him for the family against enemies and setbacks.

But I had questions too. How can I pray to someone I don’t really know, someone’s presence I’ve never felt.

Just a relentless longing to know.

And I still prayed.

Somehow I knew he was real, but I didn’t know him.

He lingered after an amen at the dinning table. He lingered after I whispered a prayer before exams.

I went to church when I was asked to. I read my Sunday school book on the Sunday mornings. I tried to memorize a verse or two.

I decided to play along. I tried to remember to say a word or two whenever I woke up and before shutting my eyes.

I even joined the choir. Dressed decently. But I never acted decently. I never worked on the same path with him.

And I hated it because others looked perfect. they all called it a relationship. They called themselves his “babies”.

And I was envious. I wanted it too. I wanted to be his princess. I didn’t like that he already knew me but I didn’t.

I didn’t also want mine to be performative, because our consciousness in the spirit brings out how we act in the physical.

I didn’t want to be ignorant either because a man could be stagnant in life due to the lack of knowledge. And we must strive to know certain things in order to be wise.

Acts 17:27-“that they should seek God, if perhaps they might grope for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us”.

I wanted to meet him. I wanted to feel him. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to talk to him whenever I wanted.

I was tired of being confused and like in the books, he is not an author of confusion.

I didn’t want to make him a lifestyle. I wanted him to be my life.

Ótó gbo gbo rè

(He’s worth it all)

He’s worth the blood in my veins.

I’ve never been satisfied my whole life. Not in a way that makes me fulfilled.

My depths have been empty. Longing for something exciting, in a way I’d never get tired or bored.

Something forever. Something definite.

Something I can always hold on to. Someone I can run to always, with open arms never to bail on me.

I always thought it unachievable because “nothing lasts, people leave” they say.

I’ve searched for it like a purpose. I’ve silently prayed for my life to have meaning, to feel whole.

A solid rock to stand on when it all comes crashing down.

I wanted to know why a man can be good but not godly. I wanted to know what was wrong and right in his sight and not the sight of others blinded by preferences.

I told him to teach me to know his will. His good and perfect will for my life.

I needed to know what was special about me; my body, my mind, my soul and spirit.

I decided to leave myself like an open book so he could inscribe on me.

I emptied my heart in worship.

I made time for him. And I didn’t know my encounter was happening every minute, every hour, and everyday of my life.

For my strength is made perfect in weakness. So I ran that I may obtain.

Now his words reside in my mouth and in my heart. My heart trusts in him.

I am complete in him.

He’s my potter and i am his clay.

In his beautiful and magnificent hands he’s moulding and forming me,

Into something extraordinary.

When words fail, his name becomes a song on my lips.

He’s my becoming.

He said;

Mo fi ìbòjú bò ojú olólùfẹ́ mi

(I use blindfolds to cover the eyes of the one I love)

and I said;

tọkàntọkàn pẹ̀lú ìgbẹ́kẹ̀lé, èmí yóò tèlé

(Wholeheartedly with trust, I’ll follow)

No doubts, just a sheep with my shepherd.

Your heart, my dwelling place.

For life!!!!!

So yes! To your will.

Yes! To your promises.

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Learn to trust the word of God, build yourself because when you’re well informed you can’t be deformed.

Trust the word is trusting God.

I’m still getting to know him, I’m not even close to knowing all about him. And I know some people may never experience his love on earth because they choose to not know him, but our love and kindness towards them will be the closest thing that they will experience to his love.

Knowing him is knowing beyond just facts about him. It’s you committing to seek him with every aspect of your being including your heart, mind and soul.

It involves a deep, personal pursuit, intentionally setting your mind and heart on him, desiring to understand his will and purpose.

It’s about making him your state of mind. It’s about making him the influence behind your thoughts, how you perceive things, make decisions and interact with others.

It’s not a one time event, but a continuous journey of drawing near to him. And as you seek with sincerity, he’s promised that you’ll find him. Jer-29:13

“Seek the lord and his strength; seek his presence continually”

Psalm 105:4