Letters I never sent.
I love you.
I can’t remember the day I wrote this letter but I know it was like every other quiet weekend. The soft glow of sunlight fluttered through my pink lace curtains making them blush. It was really romantic, I mean throwing my sock feet in the air the way I was doing, you’d definitely agree I was struck in love with you. My room felt cozy like your warm hugs I haven’t had in forever. At least I was loved and desired by my wooden bed, crushing the worn sheets with the weight of the entire week’s exhaustion then I thought of you. I thought of you with a smile on my face, and then gazed at the book close to me. I swear in that moment I felt it, a lot was building up inside and I just wanted to say everything to you, I knew if I called it would be the wrong time and it felt too important to be a text, so I wrote you this letter instead.
I want to call it fulfillment but then it doesn’t sound right in my head, but let’s use whatever word you’d use to describe the feeling you get when you see your person win, when you see them be the better version of themselves everyday. I love it when I see you not changing but evolving in the most beautiful way. It’s almost like whatever light attracted me to you, starts shining brighter than before, some days i see that light dimming but your effortless want to be you authentic self always makes sure that light never fades.
But what can I call such a feeling? Altruistic would simply put selflessness, benevolent could cut it, but my wild guess was love. lol it’s funny to me because I’m getting tired of that word but then it’s like a door that holds all the emotions that not only feel humane but sincere and genuine.
i don’t want to call it butterflies either, because some days they feel way too deep to be metaphorically described in such a simple way yet very much complicated. I asked meta AI what care was and it said “care refers to sowing concern, compassion, kindness towards someone” you see it all bores down to that door I talked about.
It’s not just friendship, it’s family.
It’s not lust that lasts five seconds of pleasure, but love because trust is built, time and efforts, deep companionship, which isn’t always immediate but develops with time, and only time can tell. I’m sorry I’ve been digressing but I guess I’m trying to describe how unexplainable the feeling is. It’s a “why” feeling that never has an answer. You want to explain it in words but you end up saying those words again!
I simply want to describe it as the chills that runs down my spine when our hands meet, i begin to swallow hard, it feels awkward yet very satisfying, it’s like both feelings are synchronizing in mutual understanding of what the hearts feel towards each other. It’s the flow of blood to the surface of my face when my skin dilates, causing that area to be red.
I’m digressing again! I’m sorry. But I believe what I’m trying to describe is the feeling of a repeated skipped beat of my heart when I am hearing your voice because you’re my favorite person. I feel the desire to hear it forever, to keep listening to every word, to feel every emotion, to connect to your soul as intimately as possible. I want to write more love but i still have a long time to tell you all my hearts content.
But it still sums up to three words with eight letters.
I love you.
Yours affectionately.