Triados

Sacred breath.

I’ve only ever talked about the father, and the son. I’ve never talked about the friend. The friend that listens and comforts. The one who directs my path in the mist of my confusion.

He’s my instinct when my eyes are blindfolded, the soft blanket of warmth and reassurance when fear creeps in.

Don’t worry this ain’t something romantic, it’s more intimate than any physical relationship would ever be. It’s not a story of butterflies, but convictions.

I woke up one morning with a seed in my heart, a longing for worship and a letter from;

The fulfilled promise of the father.

The one sent to go along with me.

The custodian of God.

The helper.

Breath of the almighty.

Sacred breath.

The guarantee.

Sorry for the disrespect but he’s no man.

He’s purely divine.

Third in trinity.

Every part of me wanted to drown in songs, I was moved to create a playlist titled “with me”. I’d start my day with worship and before I know it I’m searching through scriptures. It went on and one until the 4th of October.

Words failed me severally! How can I relate my thoughts if I don’t have the words to describe how I was feeling? I couldn’t pray either, but everyday my thoughts were flooded with worry and worship.

Somehow I asked myself why I really want to write and that’s how I came up with Engrave on the heart.

This experience continued for weeks. My mind had been a battlefield. My heart had been chaotic. I didn’t know what God really wanted from me and I know for certain that last month I wasn’t really being myself with him.

I bottled up my feelings, because I felt I wasn’t supposed to relate such things to him (a habit I’ve nurtured over the years).

When you’re too moved by emotions, you make the voice of the Holy Spirit low.

When you deny that you don’t have a helper then you’re grieving the Holy Spirit.

It was an unraveling moment for me. I was asked to let go, of everything I couldn’t say or admit to myself. I was asked to let go of everything that has been hindering me from gaining access to God.

I almost cried the day I wrote Confessions, because it was me, my voice breaking in between sentences, telling him I surrender.

I was scared that I was changing the narrative, because when I first started writing on substack it was for the soul purpose of expressing love in every way possible. I’ve been scared that I’d be seen as someone I’m not, meanwhile this has always been a part of JESSICA CHIDERA FELIX.

I’ve been undeserving, I’ve been unworthy, I’ve been back and forth in my commitment and faithfulness. The one sent to go along with me, urged me and I followed. Sincerely I only hoped I delivered as I was directed to.

The following week after was a reflective one for me. I decided that whoever wants to know me will keenly search for me and know me for themselves, the same way i searched and found God and knew him.

My heart shouldn’t be expressed from someone else’s perspective, because then they only see the surface and not the depth. It’s the same way as knowing God. Hence, Epignosis.

I seemed God alone and he handled the rest.

On the same day I posted the second chapter of Confessions.

One of my fears was being hated for unashamedly speaking boldly about my faith. This week I reflected on how much I’ve erred from God’s word about love. I judged when I wasn’t supposed to, I shifted from those who shared different views on the church. I only realized how unloving I was becoming, how un-Christlike I’ve treated the body of Christ.

With the help of the Holy Spirit; I’m learning that before I ever came to be, the body of Christ was and wasn’t perfect. All I can do is love and pray for her.

John.16:7- Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.

The wise counsel GOD gives

when I’m awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart.

The lord is my shepherd, I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside the still waters.

He restores my soul, and sends me in the right direction.

He was with me. He is with me. He will be with me.

John.16.13 - But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come.

John.16.14 - He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and making it known to you.

John.16.15 - All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will take from what is mine and make it known to you.

---

John.14.17 - “The Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you”.

The truth is I’ve always thought that I would never have an encounter with the Holy Spirit, that somehow I may have drifted away. Only I never knew that I was already going through one. The whole of this month I’ve been immersed, engrossed in worship, studying myself and how I react to God, his words, and my relationship with him.

So searching, studying my Bible has made me “knowing”, it has been the Holy Spirit all this while. I can’t talk to anyone until I’m done with my sessions. And worse of it all, I was about ending my fast, so for days I kept going past the time I was meant to break my fast.

I’ve only realized in these moments that some of the choices we make aren’t influenced from our conscious but our subconscious, that’s where the Holy Spirit thrives.

All my newsletters from October 4th to the 25th wasn’t just a whim, it was a conviction in my spirit. It’s evident that, sometimes God doesn’t need our permission to invade us for him to manifest.

Our ways and his ways can never be the same, and in his own time he twists and turns you into something you can’t possibly ever imagine.

You could be going through an encounter on a random day without knowing until later you realize you’ve not been yourself the entire time.

He’s gentle like the quiet ripples of a flowing stream.

He’s patient with my heart and teaches in love.

He’s silence in every chaos.

He’s a fire that burns fiercely, yet subtly.

He’s tranquillity.

My inspiration.

He guides my thoughts and leads me.

Receive this letters with love in your hearts, let the seeds grow and take root as they have in me. Don’t hesitate to tell me what you’ve experienced from this letters, because as nervous as I am…I can’t wait to hear from you.

Will be resuming Letters I never sent and other interesting letters next week.

Love youuuu.

Muah!💋

---